- #Sydney's public transport system reminds me of London's 10 years ago – ace for routes you commute, 'mare for infrequent trips. #
- ….and lack of through bus/train or bus/bus tix for single journeys is criminal in both cities. #
- This is not beatable. All other makers of offensive satirical songs should, at this point, give up: http://bit.ly/clUOHm (VNSFW; Minchin) #
- Listening to a girl who's either having great sex, or pretending very well, on the balcony next door. Good work. #
- Either the same girl – or, more likely, someone who's life is less fun than that – got cross about me Skyping my great friend. #
- So now I'm indoors, and so are they. I'm sure we're both happier that way. Or at least, her miserablebinterty outweighs my lack-of-jollity. #
- Don't understand non-music noise complaints. Loud tekno, or even loud rock irritating – loud convo just means ppl having more fun than you. #
- …so if you complain, that's because you're a no-mates loser. #
- Only time I've ever made a noise complaint was 5AM on a Wednesday when ppl were playing Oasis. And even that was because gf-at-time made me. #
- As far as I was concerned, hell, Oasis at 5AM wasn't gonna be any worse than work at 8:30. #
- If they'd been playing R&B, then I might've been cross. But then I'd've phoned their mums and it'd've all been fine… #
- I haven't yet read any daft US articles blaming the Brits for the latest teacupgate (oh noes! Oily fish!), but I bet there are at least 50 #
- I hadn't heard of @CatherineDeveny before today, but following this humourless character assassination, I'm now a fan: http://bit.ly/c1Ambe #
- Now everyone knows photography is easy, people who've historically lied that it's hard are getting shafted. Good. http://bit.ly/by3VKA #
- Do racists not even get a *tiny* "err, hang on" twinge when they lie that denying the choice to wear the niqab is *pro* women's rights…? #
- Hooray: ratio of "films that suck" to "films that don't suck" will improve slightly: http://bit.ly/d9uRQE #
- Things that get you sacked from The Age: writing funny things on Twitter. Things that don't: spanking young boys' bums: http://bit.ly/ab3yQl #
- Cutting ppl's faces is evil. Joking about cutting ppl's faces is a bit tasteless. If you can't see the difference, you're a moron #dyerzoo #
- Thanks to the beautiful @ChrissieM for reminding me of this EXCELLENCE: http://bit.ly/58olxJ – and it's nearly winter here, so season-tastic #
- Aaaagh. I don't have The Holy Bible on my iPod. Some arsewit upstairs is playing late-period M Jackson loudly, and I need an antidote. #
- Panic over, I've found The Downward Spiral. Closer FTW. #
- Seriously, what kind of terrible cnut would *choose* to listen to Earth Song or You Are Not Alone? Billie Jean or Thriller, hell yeah. #
- Haha, Daily Mirror WIN: http://virtualstoa.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/mirror0605.jpg #
- This is amazing political (not party-political) polemic. I'm a decent writer, but I wish I could write like the Rodent: http://bit.ly/bXxeE8 #
- Great news re #Alliance Naomi Long in East Belfast – did I really just hear that mad bigot blogger David Vance won 1800 votes there? #
- Yes, yes I did. http://bit.ly/bjDMz1 #
- Swing from #Tories to #LibDems in the south-west. That's *very very good news*. #
- Dammit, @davidwhittam beat me to that gag. #
- Thanks to @qwghlm @griefoftwats swing is Lib-Tory in Torbay; Tory-Lib in Thornbury. The latter is a pity. #ge2010 #
- "People have been talking about decapitation, not in the physical sense", says #Radio4. Shame. #ge2010 #
- Anyone know how much money #Ashcroft spent in #Kingswood to buy that 10% local swing? #
- When Gordon Brown speaks from the heart as in his acceptance speech now, he's actually rather likeable, despite it all #ge2010 #
- It's 1040AM here, but if the #LibDems win back #Guildford from the revolting #AnneMilton, I'll have a large Scotch anyway #
- Na H-Eileanan An Iar is apparently a real place in the UK. Hehe… #
- Bum. #AnneMilton holds #Guildford. No Scotch for me. #
- Still, the #Tooting news is delightful. #
- The #LibDem vote fail is bizarre. I guess the Murdoch press *does* still have the power to terrify sheeple. #ge2010 #
- *Please* can we get this trending? #sinkandrewneillsfuckingboat #
- #SNP tossers whining that they weren't allowed on the *national* leadership debates. Oh, get out of it… #
- Not for the first time, I wish I were Scottish. Why do my fellow Englishmen keep voting for those #Tory bastards? #
- (anyone who says "tax" is a cunt. I've been happy to pay higher-rate tax for nearly all my working life, because I'm not a selfish dickhead) #
- At this point, I just really, really hope @DrEvanHarris and Lembit hold their seats. Fucking fuckity fuck #LibDemMeltdown #ge2010 #
- FUCK. Lembit lost to the fucking #Tories. #LibDemMeltdown #aaaagh #
- I was already planning to apply for residency and ultimately citizenship in #Australia. #ge2010 is doing nothing to change that view… #
- Keeping my fingers crossed for #Eastbourne #ge2010 #
- FUCK YEAH!!!!!! #ge2010 #LibDems #Eastbourne #
- Next time round, #LibDems should focus their resources on seats by the seaside with "East" in their name… #
- I don't want to see more Labour seat losses, but if Blears loses Salford I'll drink a whole bottle of Scotch and run through Sydney naked #
- Just spoke to my dad, who's been a Liberal voter for 40 years – so he's rather less surprised and disappointed than me by another #LibFail #
- Shame about #OxfordEast… oh well, at least it was a Labour hold and LD fail, not a Tory hold. #
- Bum. Looks like #Tories have gained #NewtonAbbot from #LibDems #
- *Crosses more fingers than I thought I previously had* RT @DrEvanHarris: I'm in a recount folks! #lookingdifficult #
- Redcar goes Liberal? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!? #ge2010 #
- It's a sad night for #LibDems – but must be sadder for #Tories. Only a few months ago, they seemed on for a big win, not minority scrabbling #
- #BNP were never gonna win #Barking, outside of Nazi dreams / leftie nightmares. But nice to hear they've also missed out on 2nd place. #
- In non-election-news, Graham Foulkes is an idiot: http://bit.ly/cTsE05 (and 5 years on, grief is no excuse for idiocy) #
- Haha, @KerryMP wins, #kerryout fails. #
- I think I'm the only person currently tweeting on #ge2010 who's sober. It may be time for a beer. #
- I'm torn on whether to celebrate Jacqui Smith's loss, or whether to lament another Tory gain. Probably both. #
- If you live in Oxford West & Abingdon and voted Tory, then you're properly a scumbag. @drevanharris is the best guy in parliament. #
- FUCKING FUCKING FUCK. People of Oxford, you are dicks. RT @AlexConnor Ox west and Abingdon result: Evan Harris: 23730 Blackwood: 23906 #
- By the way, that includes the Labourites in Ox East who smeared the Lib Dems in the knowledge that'd help the Tories next door… #
- Right. I need a fucking beer. Reports that the Tories won't get their reverse-Portillo moment with Ed Balls are gonna have to be the excuse #
- Labour's new Leeds MP Rachel Reeves seems like a good sort #ge2010 #
- Libs hold Sutton. Thank fsck. #
- Indeed. Tories are just Tories – people who campaigned Lab in OxWest should know better RT @lth Oxford West Labour Party: you're fired. #
- Fuck me, @Nadine4mp is a nasty, nasty piece of work. #
- I'm enjoying this beer. And the failure of mad fundie #PhillipaStroud doesn't make up for @drevanharris, but it's still pleasing. #
- Thank fuck the London Toryslide hasn't quite happened RT @labourmatters Labour hold Hammersmith! #
- THE LIBERAL DEMOCRATS HAVE TAKEN NORWICH SOUTH FROM LABOUR AND CHARLES CLARKE IS OUT!!!!!!! #
- That makes it time for a whisky, even if it's only 2pm. FUCK YEAH. Goodbye, evil troll man. #
- *Charles?* – someone at C4's been at the sauce RT @channel4news: Ken Clarke knocked off his seat by Lib Dem Simon Wright in Norwich South #
- Agreed re Buck. But Fox would've been good in Islington S RT @politic_animal Fantastic to see Buck and Thornbury back. And so unlikely. #
- Even though I'm mostly LD, if Jeremy Corbyn loses Islington N I may cry. #
- Celebrity candidature: the excellent Dave Rowntree got 5x as many votes as the execrable Esther Rantzen… #
- No streaking through Sydney for me – they do still weigh the Lab vote in #Salford. A 10% swing to the LDs is good news though #blears #
- Dunno why people are getting so grumpy about #Balls. In his position, I'd be doing exactly the same thing. #
- Then again, #Balls has always been one of my favourite NuLab types – never quite understood hatred of him. #
- He's clever and well-educated, he knows a lot about economics, and he's not a bigoted fuckhead like Blunkett, Clarke, Burnham, etc… #
- RT @nextleft: it was a hell of an achievement to win Edgbaston in 1997 and hold it in 2005 – but so much more of one to hold it in 2010 #
- Jeremy Corbyn stays, with a 3.6% swing in his favour. Woo! #thankfuckforthat #IloveyouJezzabutnotinagayway #
- RT @paulwaugh: Really interesting that Twitter about 20 mins ahead of broadcasters on key results. #ge2010 #
- Anyone know what the *hell* occurred in Reading W to drive 12% swing? Tory and Lab candidates both Asian, dunno if that makes a difference #
- RT @Helzbels YES! YES! YES! FELTHAM & HESTON STILL LABOUR! #
- Loving the fact that London has remained sane, even as the rest of SE England has gone evil. If the Scots secede, can the Londoners? #
- The Conservatives have gained #Sherwood. Assuming the Sheriff of Nottingham was probably their candidate…? #
- 61 votes for the pro-vampire party in Brighton… #
- …but CAROLINE LUCAS FUCKING WINS IT! #
- Shit, that was an "up and down" moment. Yay Lucas, but the world's most punchable cunt, a man who makes Cameron look lovable, won Richmond. #
- If you don't despise and loathe Zac Goldsmith, there is something wrong with you. #
- Have run out of beer, so moved onto $10 a box (gbp2.32 a bottle) wine. I don't think @ChrissieM will necessarily approve. Sorry, babes… #
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pDRIJC31tU RT @uaf Barking: Lab 24,628 Con 8,073 BNP 6,620 LD 3,719 UKIP 1,300 #
- Excellent Lucas in, mad Yaqoob and evil Griffin humiliated. Yes, people of the UK, that was the correct response to niche parties. #
- I don't *hate* RESPECT like I hate the BNP, but I fear their insane politics almost as much… #
- Good news for the Labour left, as John Cruddas holds Dagenham by more than 2000 votes. And again, the Nazis were humiliated. #
- I feel sorry for David Mundell. Must be lonely being Scotland's only Tory ;-) #
- .@hopisen Greens? #
- Yes, I'd rather the Tories hadn't won Harrow East either. But still.. #
- McNulty's wake: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-X5-phTa08c #hahahahahahahaha #harrowgoodbye #
- Labour and Lib Dems won more than half the votes. If you don't think that's a mandate for a coalition, you have no brain. #
- RT @shibleylondon I note that Prof Vernon Bogdanor, Cameron's tutor at Oxford, argues that Cameron cannot lead a "strong and stable govmnt" #
- Note that *no* market movements indicate any problems with hung parliament (just fallout from Greece crisis, shared by rest of Europe) #
- Irritating thing about being a not-very-partisan, Tory-hating vague-LD is that I'm never sure whether Labourites tweeting "XX wins, yay"… #
- …means "Tory kept out, hence yay, NuLab clone beats Lib, hence boo, or old-skool Lab beats Lib, hence meh"… #
- Who cares whether Labour supported electoral reform before? Better one sinner who repenteth, etc… #
- Idiot on the news claiming UK election is relevant to UK bond yields – no, thiat's contagion from the Eurozone crisis, you tits. #
- Sadly, most FS professionals tend to be Tories (because of correlation with 'greedy bastards'), so pretend financial data supports their BS. #
- The last tweet I RT'd from @mrmarksteel is the only electoral comment in several hours to make me literally LOL… #
- #ge2010. Various non-UK ppl asked me who'd won, answer was "I was the only sober commentator watching til 9AM GMT and I've no bloody idea" #
- "only sober commenter *apart from @nosemonkey of course*. I just found that concept hard to process…. #
- Going through downloads folder. Why the hell did I download a map of London Bridge station at 3AM this March, *after* I'd moved to Oz? #
- It'll be interesting to see @privateeyenews on the Harrods sale (erm, sale *of* Harrods). Anyone know a newsagent that sells it in #Sydney? #
- Also, why can't @privateeyenews get a good, or even poxy, website with all content? I'd pay a subscription fee just to get it as PDF/vmag… #
- Surely telling someone to go roger a gerbil is just a relatively standard, civilised way to have a debate over here? #gerbilgate #
- Upstairs at the Tea Gardens, Bondi Jn, is one of the most civilised places for a drink in the known universe. And it's only 5 mins from home #
- ….this is made all the more surreal by the fact that downstairs at the Tea Gardens is an uneasy mix of bogans and drunken Irishmen. #
- Really looking forward to my trip to HK in August. Pleasantly amazed that China didn't fuck the place up after 1997: http://bit.ly/aIZPcY #
- I can't see enough Tories accepting STV for a Lib-Con pact to be viable; I also can't see Clegg pact-ing without STV. What'm I missing? #
- (obviously multi-member STV would be better, but single-member STV would be enough of a benefit to be worthwhile for Clegg) #
- Today was officially Expat Day in Aussie pubs – everyone else at home with their mums ;-) #
- This is cool (via @artoftravel): http://beclee.com/2010/05/signs-australia/ #
- Best reason to hope for new election in 6 months -> RT @DrEvanHarris Not interested in House of Lords. Better plan is winning back OxWAb #
- Since @lauriepink has started an "inappropriately titled kids books" meme, http://bit.ly/9Y5uzH doesn't do wonders to dispel stereotypes… #
- Awesome. @espiekermann is on Twitter. Do follow. (via @patrick_myles) #
- This is a stupid article: http://bit.ly/a3fOk7 <- if you want stuff to be public, post it to Facebook; if you don't, send by private email. #
- The #Bluetones have a new album out. WTF? Next you'll be telling me 60Ft Dolls are on a reunion tour… #
- Outside of loony Tory press, does anyone think The Markets give a fuck about whether DC, GB or NC is PM? (clue: no, they don't…) #
- The Markets are an aggregation of mildly clever, very greedy people; they know slightly less about politics than poltiical tweeters… #
- …but in the context of #ge2010 it's their job to know nearly as much as us. They know that any plausible government will cut deficit… #
- …including a minority government, and the rest is just flubbery from people who happen to be right-wing and have senior jobs at banks. #
- Dear Anyone With A Cinema In #Sydney. Please show #FourLions. I'll pay $50 for a ticket, if required. Thanks, JB #
- Best airport in western world IMO. SIN better & looking forward to HKG RT @anasanchez I think I've changed my mind re T5 – it's not that bad #
- The one annoying thing about my return flight to the UK is that BA/BAA were too stupid to build a single OneWorld terminal at LHR… #
- …so my CX flight back is going to the entirely average Western airport that is T3. On the plus side, no transfers in horrible AMS or FRA. #
- The frustrating thing about being me is that I get quite a lot of pay and no sodding recognition – and don't really know how to fix that #
- Yes, I know the last tweet comes over as cockish – but it's properly true. I'd be a great business editor for any Oz paper… #
- …and'd take a paycut to do so – but none'd hire me, because despite the fact that I really do know all this shit, I've not got it in print #
- Cunt of the day > RT @PMMcGough National tragedy: promotion of B Bragg from obsolescent crooner to omniscient constitutional authority. #
- .@matgb "I'm the most coherent celeb on Facebook" "Yes, that's why I can't understand any of those silly twets you send me" #
- EXCLUSIVE: your mum and Nick Clegg have had a secret meeting. #
- Q: would you be willing to accept 5 years of Tory government, on the condition that Zac Goldsmith was crucified? I'd seriously consider. #
- OTOH, I live in Prison Island. So whilst still have a vote on Knifecrime Islan, that's precisely the sort of me-pleasing thing I'd go for. #
- RT @ChrisTMarsden: FPTP error 404: Government not found. Please reset your voting system to proportional representation and try again #
- Duh, Tories lie: RT @Quietzapple Odd how bullies who tried to run campaigns vs Brown 3 years ago & since now say he Must resign now. Untrue #
- RAGE, AGAINST THE LYING OF THE RIGHT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maISWZ8Tpsc (also, Dylan Thomas is the man, and this is pure beauty) #
- I've written a blogpost that I think is good, but I'm knda drunk. While sober tomorrow, I'll determine whether alcohol stimulates creativity #
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